“
“Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?” - Macbeth.
Sonnet 141:
In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But ‘tis my heart that loves what they despise,
Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;
Nor are mine ears with thy tongue’s tune delighted,
Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,
Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited
To any sensual feast with thee alone:
But my five wits nor my five senses can
Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,
Who leaves unsway’d the likeness of a man,
Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be:
Only my plague thus far I count my gain,
That she that makes me sin awards me pain.
To round up 2008 true to my style, here are a list of things I need to spill out in order to enjoy 2009 better.
People ringing the doorbell multiple times. Seriously, folks, calm down. One ring is as audible as two. So if you have to wait for a second after your first doorbell, it’s because the person behind it obviously needs some time to get to the door. Ringing the fucking bell again and again won’t speed up the process. It might speed up your departure after the door is opened though. This is especially true of times when you really can’t get to the door. You’re in the shower, you have a broken ankle, you’re cooking somethingthat’ll catch fire the second you leave. At such times, multiple doorbells, increasingly closer in time, can cause serious murderous feelings. So, henceforth, just ring the bell once. Wait for a minute. Then leave.
People using unnecessary apostrophes. I have noticed that people in India can’t type proper English anymore and have to use really stupid abbreviations for every word, even when the short form of the word is actually the same amount of letters as the actual word! Like PLEEEZ for PLEASE. Just use the actual word!! Anyway, that in itself is so infuriating that it’s much more than a harmless pet peeve. But this apostrophe thing- God! People think anytime you add an ‘S’ to a word, you have to use an apostrophe. It makes no sense at all! People call me Chinks here (or as I like to spell it, Chinx) and when they Facebook me or email me, they actually write “Hi Chink’s!” … WHY? Hi my what?? I get call times for my shoot every evening, and the fucking infuriating text always reads “Call time for AD’s is 8am”. That’s not correct!! People need to be hit on the head with the last Harry Potter book for doing it (which I am currently re-reading).
People trying to help you park your car. Back off. The last thing I want when I’m straining to look back and in front at the same time, and trying to avoid hitting a wall or another car while going in a bizarre reverse angle, is a man standing right in my way swinging his arms around like a maniac. What is the point of this?? Usually these men stand there and just do the same hand motion again and again- this way, this way, this way. I GET IT!! It’s obvious which way I have to go so fuck off!! My first hit-and-run might just be a hit-and-park-on-top-of-the-body.
But, all in all, it’s been a tremendous year. And unforgettable, life-altering one. I’m truly blessed in the stuff that really matters. Pet peeves aside.
I have just discovered that in the very next lane, 5 minutes away from my house, is an Oh Calcutta restaurant! And it delivers!! Why did I never venture out there and see this 6 months ago! Bye Bye omelettes, Hello fish tikka! Well maybe for the next 2 days before I get bored of that… but still!
Shoot is going… quite well. Good people have fallen sick and irritating people have been trying to take over. I just do my own thing though, so it’s fine. I had one of my nasty migraines this morning, and left in the middle of the day to take a nap and then went back to shoot. It’s awesome that my house is about 7 minutes away from the studio.
Anyway, this is all very boring. Ayan, the film’s director, has had a mouth ulcer for the past 2 weeks. It’s healing now, and he said that he was going to miss it. So we decided to name it, so we can properly mourn it’s death. He thought that maybe it was a man, but I knew that it was an old, bitter woman with a mole on her cheek and sagging boobs. Therefore, I christened it Bertha. Bertha has, as of today, left our lives forever.
So, as we all know, I played a stupid waxing lady in a film. Blah blah. Anyway, today (after an unmentionable amount of time) we packed up early from shoot so I ran to the salon to get my legs waxed. And there, while I lay without my pants on, my waxing lady said that she had seen me in the movie… And then, if I wasn’t redfaced enough, proceeded to discuss the way I had taken the strip off the body double and give me a lesson on the finer techniques of waxing.
Great.
In other news, our film set is absolutely wonderful. It feels like a lovely, warm apartment that we’re crashing to shoot our film. Plus, it’s super cold there, so everyone bundles up and sips on hot tea and sits around chatting while shots are set up. It’s also a lot of hard work, but that only adds to the excitement. This shoot business is addictive.
Yesterday I was sitting in the office, editing a romantic scene where Ranbir and Konkona walk outside on the streets outside Bombay’s iconic Metro Cinema- peaceful empty streets with gorgeous Victorian structures in the background and the only sounds were those of a rare passing car. I came home, and put on the news and the very same area had blood spilled all over the roads, people dragging dead bodies into cars and gun shots and screams were the only sounds. Un-fucking-believable. It’s been over 24 hours since then, and the terror is still not over- people are still being held hostage, bombs are still going off, innocent people are still dying. I just have to say that I think that this is all because men suck. They are fucking dogs who think violence and terror will give them power. It’s the same bloody My Dick is Bigger Than Yours game. They had a photo of one of the terrorists and he was this 17 year old with a huge gun in his hand and a crazy smile on his face- as if this was nothing more than a football match and he was going to make the other team lose. Not once have I heard any mention of a woman being connected to any of the attacks around the world this past decade. They just don’t have the stupid blindness that men get when power is dangled in front of them. UUUGHH fucking assholes.
Yes. I’m in a magazine AND a film. And yes, being recognized on the streets and giving out autographs to little boys and girls is as glamourous as I thought it would be. I’ve been offered four roles already, one for a leading lady with the most promising actor out there. OK, I’ll stop tooting my own horn now. Basically because it’s crap and I look retarded in the stupid magazine picture and disgustingly embarrassing in the film. But it’s all good. Helps me realize that choosing a career behind the camera was the right choice for me.
Dostana is out today! There’s no way that it won’t do well. Especially because it’s the best looking film of the year with awesome music and loads of really funny one-liners. It’s a good time for all. Although I really wish people would discuss the film with me instead of bringing up my stupid 2 second role whenever they see me.
I’m going to so so sad when Wake Up Sid comes out. To work so hard for so long and then just put it out there and it’s done and people watch it and judge it and forget about it. Tough stuff man. Anyway, I’m just blabbering because I’m sleepy but don’t feel like getting up. So bye.
A couple of days ago, something happened that caught me completely off-guard… and let me tell you that’s hard to do. We were shooting in a charming little cluster of old Catholic houses and stone walkways called Ranwar Village, and one of the scenes included Ranbir taking pictures of random objects and people around the area. While doing some earlier scenes, we noticed a bunch of little girls peeking in from behind a wall, giggling and pointing. They had old tattered clothes on, dirt on their hands and faces, and crazy messy hair that gave them all the air of lovable ruggamuffins. We decided to use them in a shot and show Ranbir taking a picture of them playing around. So we told them to stay around and we would call them when we needed them. Suddenly they all disappeared, and then returned 20 minutes later. Only none of us recognized them anymore! They had all gone home, changed into jazzy vulgar clothes, brushed their hair and actually put a shitload of makeup on!! I mean… what??! They were 6-year-olds off the streets! Why were they trying to be bar dancers?? Is that what they thought being in a film meant?! And then when they were doing the scene, we asked them to sit around Ranbir and they all grabbed him and put their arms around him, and wouldn’t let go even between takes. I bet they even had catfights when they went back home about who got the most attention from him. They all got chocolate and an autograph for their efforts- and one girl actually demanded for his phone number alongwith the autograph.
How much competition do I really have man??
I have ignored this blog for too long, and the guilt was going to eat me alive. Hence, a return. And true to my usual form, here are a few updates in my favorite format- a list!
1. Shoot for Wake Up Sid! has started. In fact, it gives me a jolt to announce that about 12% of filming is already complete!
2. My psycho-lesbian maid is gone and has been replaced by a new one whose name is Baby.
3. I have given up all sense of style and become a man.
4. I have touched Ranbir Kapoor’s butt. (He hand pants on, so not his actual butt, I guess).
5. Chai has emerged as the most necessary beverage in my life.
6. The entire city is lit up for Diwali. My personal celebration is going to involve lighting the 4 diyas my mom got me, and putting them on my window.
7. This might be the longest I’ve gone without a drink since Junior year of college.
8. Bombay is magical at dawn.
9. Night shoots make you feel like you own the city. Like you’re stealing away something everyone else is missing out on.
10. I still love killing cockroaches.
On TV right now is a film made out of my dreams. It has JUDE LAW in it… playing a VAMPIRE!! Thank you, sweet heavens, for this wonderful blend of everything I could ever desire. Needless to say, I shall be unavailable for the next 2 hours.
1. There were foreign lingerie models (male and female) being auditioned in the office today.
2. I watched the Project Runway where they had to design for drag queens, and it turns out that I have met and conversed with one of them during my stay in NYC. She was called Miss Understood.
3. The new coffee machine at work has, along with the regular fare, a nozzle for synthetic tomato soup!