Ear Massages and Pigeon Sex
This is not a new problem in my life. Every place I’ve lived in, barring NYC, I’ve had to deal with pigeons having loud sex. I’m fed up! I wake up in the morning, and the second sound I hear after my alarm is loud ascending throaty pigeon moans!! And it’s sex. I thought it was just regular pigeon sounds myself, and that the nature of the noises seemed dirty to me because of my gutter brain. But NO! I’ve researched, hunted for and observed the root cause with my own eyes. Therefore, I can safely say that for once it’s not just me, it’s them damn birds. They’re at it 24 hours a day, making really disturbing fat middle-aged women sounds, and it can become quite an unpleasant experience if they suddenly start up when you have company or when you just want to digest your dinner. I’m planning on getting a gun soon. I shall keep you all updated.
In the mean time, there’s a new form of pleasure in my life. And it’s not the head massage that I just had. I got off from work in the afternoon and decided to make something of my half-Sunday by getting a head massage. Good decision. Especially because it has introduced me to something I’d like to call ‘Ear Masturbation’. The lady, after massaging my head, neck and shoulders, moved on to massaging my ears. Whether we hold tension in our ear muscles or not is still unclear to me, but nonetheless it was a thoroughly useless 5 minutes she spent on bending and twisting my ears. However, then the true goods came out. She took out this huge hair-brush looking machine with knobs on it and turned it on. It started vibrating really loudly. I thought it was some sort of back massage device and started to sit up straight when the lady put a finger in my ear and another on the machine. Suddenly there was a vibrating finger in my ear and by the time I registered what was happening I was seeped in a sea of pleasure and never wanted it to stop. It was as though a current was going through my entire insides and distributing a sweet pain wherever it went. Soon it was over, and the same events followed as my other ear was taken over. All i remember from that time, besides the supreme happiness, was my wish for another few hundred ears.
Anyway… I have to go watch a thoroughly B-grade film now and enjoy it immensely.
